Thursday, March 4, 2010

Facing My Fears

Ok. More like facing my biggest fear.


The best news is that after an Xray, I do not have an obvious stress fracture! Whoooopppeeee! Doc thinks it is a sprain and we're treating it as such. One of my friends asked how long before I can run on it. Forgot to ask. My youngest daughter (18 months) was literally rolling around on the floor, which is much more than my germaphobic brain can handle...then she started using my middle daughter (3 years) as a punching bag. So my mind was on other things, and busy celebrating the lack of fracture.

Here's the thing. Now I have to go in for a bone scan to make sure there isn't a fracture lurking around in there somewhere. There is a needle involved to inject dye into my ankle, then sitting for an hour (like a spa day!) and then having the scan done. I have to plan on being at the hospital for three hours (like a LONG spa day!). Let me tell you, the explanation alone made me all light headed and tingly.

Here is how I am framing this in my mind. My fear of needles is quite intense. So intense that I - being the wuss I am - decided childbirth would be much better without an epidural or any other pain meds because heck if I was going to have a needle anywhere near me. It worked out well! Three great births without pain meds. So now that I know a needle will be stuck in my ankle, I am going to think of Clayton. All the needles HE has been poked with. That my cousin now gives him his chemo injections herself. That Clayton is less of a wuss than me.

And I will breathe.

And I will think of that precious little boy braving far more than I have to.

And I will get through it.

And they will give me the all clear that there's no fracture!

Beyond all of this...any clue how long I should bike before running again? I took this week off by force (husband was out of town and we don't have a bike here), so perhaps if I bike through next week, I will be good to go? Or can I still run on it with an air cast? I'm clueless.

Also, I am 86.35% sure that I will do the Rock 'n Roll San Diego marathon, too! So excited! San Diego and Seattle. It feels right.